My son has been described as “painfully shy” to the point where teachers in the past have wondered if he needed to be assessed for Aspergers. He prefers gaming to … well just about anything, and he no longer socialises with people his own age outside of school. MinerDad and I were concerned and talked about taking away his computer but there was no way to force him to be the teenager that society ‘expects’ him to be. Instead we did the opposite. We decided to give him the tools to continue playing and supported his creative outlet – creating gaming content, avatars, maps, images for websites and forums. We had played games together before, namely StarcraftII and console games, but immersing yourself in a creative 3D environment has proven to be a very different experience. It also gave us the opportunity to get to know our son.
What follows are a list of questions for you to ask yourself about your children. If you don’t know the answers to them, you may be able to learn more about your children the way we have – by playing games with them.
1. How does your child handle new environments?
We started playing on jokaydia’s Minecraft server together early last year (now known as the Massively Minecraft servers). We were invited by @jokay to participate in a trial where kids could play together with their parents. My son was the eldest at the time and it was interesting to see how he handled being on a new server with younger children. He’s played multiple games on numerous servers for years and it never occurred to me to look at how he introduces himself to these new play environments. I wondered if it would be different to the cautious way he involves himself in social situations in real life. He’s always been slow to warm to new people and he was always the kid that stood back and just watched before trying anything new. He wouldn’t attempt any task until he was confident that he could master it (including riding a bike, art/craft, reading)
Minecraft building was a skill he’d already developed when we started playing with @jokay. His 3D building skills had actually surpassed the game and it wasn’t long before he’d built an elaborate castle on the server. He taught me how to farm, how to defend myself and how to build the things I needed. He even built me a giant Mother’s Day “card” ingame.
Yet despite these skills we found he was just as quiet in the gaming world as he is in real life. He didn’t actively interact with the other children – namely because of the age differences (he was 15, the other children were in the 4-6 yr old range). He played the game “properly” meaning he preferred to mine his own resources and build things from scratch. He didn’t like being given objects and thought that everyone should be mining their own. So we also discovered that our son likes to play by the rules and he’s HARDCORE.
Source: Uploaded by user via Barbara on Pinterest
2. Is your child a leader?
During our time on jokaydia he was given many opportunities to show leadership. I tried to encourage him to lead by example, to participate in the world development and discussed how the other children’s gameplay was progressing. As much as I wanted him to be an active participant in this community, he was happy playing his own way and he couldn’t comprehend why the other children weren’t learning to play “properly”. It wasn’t a lack of interest but a completely different mind-set and he was playing a rules-based game in an ad-hoc environment. After a while he gave up the server and his interests diversified.
A few months ago, to our surprise, we found he was suddenly very vocal on a Counter Strike game he was playing. He was using a mic and was giving (barking) instructions about a particular flavour of the game.
So why did he show no interest in any form of leadership on the Minecraft server (other than guiding us), but he was suddenly a real community leader in this other game? He even proudly boasted about being elected as an admin on this Counter Strike server (an election of 3 positions out of 55 applicants)
Here’s what we’ve concluded:
* The deep voice of confidence – We have seen a transformation and watched the ‘boy’ literally became a ‘teen’ overnight. I cannot emphasize enough how important AGE-APPROPRIATE games and gaming environments need to be. They need to support the individual child’s developmental needs – psychosocial/emotional as well as cognitive. Support and encouragement go a long way to help children with their confidence but sometimes all they need is time to mature.
* Long term community involvement – I was surprised when he told me that he’s been playing with the same group of people for over 5 years now. Five years!!! For a 16yr old that means from the age of 11!! We were naturally concerned about the people he’s played with, but he’s such a private person that he’s been careful to never share personal information. Some of these friends he plays with are in their early 20s now, and the younger kids joining the group are the same age he was when he started. The community grows and as the older ones take on more real life responsibilities they pass on the leadership roles to the teens. Community development takes time. Let your children and students play with others regularly so they can form friendships and take a role in the gaming environment.
3. How does your child think?
After a trip to the art gallery with his school last year, the topic of 3D visualization came up. He had been sculpting at school (manually, with a chisel) from a 2D image of a head. He was bored and couldn’t understand why they all had to do the same thing and “all the heads will look the same”. He wanted to chisel a creation of his own. As the conversation continued we confirmed something that we had suspected for some time – our son thinks in 3-dimensions. He didn’t realize that not everyone can see things the way he sees them, or create maps and models in 2-dimensions for a 3D environment. I started to read about spatial reasoning and intelligence.
So now I understand we have an artistic, 3-dimensional thinker with a love of computers and games. MinerDad is a little concerned that it means he’ll head towards an Arts Major, but I’m confident that we can steer him towards the gaming degree he wants to do.
Check out ‘Recognizing spatial intelligence’: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=recognizing-spatial-intel
4. How does your child learn?
Seeing his gaming skills as an outlet for his spatial reasoning also led to learning about how our son actually learns. I’ve concluded that his struggles with mathematics is as much about attitude and self-confidence as it is about his reasoning. The current school environment provides much more individual tutoring and support (have I mentioned how great Montessori it?
Watching how he plays games and how he learns the ins-and-outs of a game environment has taught me how to teach him. Where possible I use a visual example and make it relevant to “something real”. He struggles with hypothetical concepts and will probably never understand complex (imaginary) numbers, and that’s ok. One thing that the Montessori philosophy (there’s that word again!) has helped us realise as parents, is that it’s ok if your kid doesn’t tick ALL the boxes. Just find out what boxes they naturally tick and build on from there.
Want a safe place to play with your kids?
Check out the Massively Minecraft world created by jokaydia and Massively Productive: http://www.massivelyminecraft.org/



